A Mother's Love

A mom gives birth to her child. She knows that child inside and out, for goodness sake, as she bore him. She believes with every fiber of her being, that her precious newborn babe is a child of God, and therefore is pure, unconditional love. She understands this little ONE like no one else can. She knows his magnificence and will never believe anything less. For this child danced with her in the womb and together they were one, until the day finally arrived for the birth of this creation!!

A mom can sense when her child is out of sync. She has a gut instinct about these things and just knows when things are awry. Sometimes she can feel her kid’s hurts and pains and can shoo them away with a soft touch or a gentle word. At other times, a kiss can alleviate the boogey-man that has invaded her child’s space, at least while they are still young and innocent.

But sometimes the growing pains and wounds become so deep, that the child, now a young man loses touch with himself, his feelings and life. He becomes entrenched in sadness, shame and guilt, and can’t remember who he is. He forgets his greatness. Essentially, he loses touch with his true essence. That divine spark that resided within, throughout his youth, is zapped from his being. He falls prey to society and their beliefs about him. In other words, he succumbs to the pressures of the world. His inner compass is no longer his guide.

As a mother, there is nothing more heart-wrenching than watching her child believe something so false about himself, that he totally loses sight of his gifts and talents… that he relinquishes his dreams, hopes… and aspirations, and throws them all away for a fleeting moment of respite. And it takes just ONCE. For that moment can become the precipice to a potential lifetime of chasing daylight, that no one can ever be successful at.

For the biggest pitfall of all, is that daylight eventually leads to dusk, where darkness prevails and all hell breaks loose!! This is where the nightmare begins, and you as the parent, feel so very, very helpless.

What does he throw it away for? For a fix, a high, anything that will dull the affliction, take the relentless thoughts of littleness out of the equation. To make him feel bigger, more confident because few people get him, not many try, and even less care to find out. He numbs out so he feels like he fits in and isn’t alone in this crazy world. He self-medicates so that every morning he doesn’t have to wake up with that bottomless pit in his belly reminding him how friggin difficult life can be.

The sweetness and joy of youth is swept away. What remains for the time being is an ominous cloud filled with fear and trepidation of what is to come.

What ever happened to that precious being of love and light that had captured my heart years before? Where had his goodness and grace gone? Where was my son?

But alas, a mother’s love can truly never be manipulated, for it lives in her heart always. Despite the human side of life that can be ugly and despicable, she chooses to see beyond the physical realm right into the amazing soul that she created at conception. A spirit that knows no boundaries, believes it’s perfection, and understands that no external substance can every taint it. This is what she opts to remember…to grasp onto.

And even though, she comprehends that she must let go and allow her son to live his life in his own way, she never forgets his magnificence. She never forgets that he is a gift from the divine and that all things are possible!

In other words, faith, surrender, trust and love embrace, so she can find a ray of HOPE in her son’s new, crazy world called ADDICTION.

This is one of my JOURNAL entries that I wrote just prior to my son’s departure to his first rehab in 2011. I am speaking to his soul.

My dearest son: I know that you are in so much pain and that you are hurting. I fully sense that. What is it you choose to do? What is it you desire?

“My mind is fuzzy right now. My body is tired and weak. I am frail. I am so LOST. I am trying my best. Trying to please everyone. Trying to make other happy. What I don’t know how to do is make MYSELF HAPPY! Never have.

There’s a piece of the puzzle that has always been missing. It has eluded me forever. I want PEACE OF MIND. I want to do this in my own way, in my own time. I don’t desire to leave this planet yet, even though it may appear otherwise. I would like to stay and commit to a new way of being. I need the right remedy and folk to help me get there. I know I can move beyond this with the right ingredients. All is not lost. I have not sunk… yet!

What I could really use is a dose of God’s miracle breath. I shall ask source to regenerate my cells, mind, and spirit. I am beginning to open to a Higher Power, to turning it over to something much greater than myself, for I know I cannot do this alone.

I see that I am different but feel if I can get comfortable in my own skin, it just might abate my self esteem issues and the need to mask the pain. These are deep issues I have endured since childhood. It has been a lonely ride!

I ask mom, that you take care of yourself. You have been nothing but a ray of light in my life. You have held on for the bumpy ride and never have you faltered in your love for me. It has been nothing but an honor to walk this journey with you, and my love for you is eternal. It will indeed last forever and beyond, into eternity.

Limiting self-beliefs can block the spark of life. I am learning through grandpa (in heaven) and Metatron that it is possible to gather and garnish new beliefs at any given time. That time is NOW! I have many choices to make in the upcoming weeks. For now I hang on to every shred of hope that you send. I feel you. I see you. I hear you.

I just may surprise you with some good news in the net few days. Life can change in a heartbeat. As my heart expands you just don’t know what might occur. For your strength, courage, humility, and patience, I extend my arms to you and around you with the biggest bear hug ever.

Shanti.. Shanti…O-Sweet-Woman…the light of my life—keeper of the flame.”

Forever in your heart… PJ

Never, ever give up HOPE. Your son or daughter can reclaim his or her life, if and when they decide to commit and do the work. Always, always remember their greatness, and remind them of this simple yet profound message every chance you get. For their soul will indeed understand.

Feel free to listen to this video that I wrote and recorded. {Link is below.} It is for anyone who has been affected by addiction. May you find comfort in my words and the strength to walk towards the light, and begin your own healing process. Recovery is indeed possible.

I dedicated this video to my son. Today, he and I are both sober and in recovery and he is the proud dad of an amazing little boy. A double miracle, indeed!


Do check out my website https://path2healing.org/